Tonight I am tired. My eyes are weary, my mind is feeling a little like jelly, so I decided to write a blog entry.
It has been a while since I have sat down to compose my thoughts and feelings and pour them into the computer to share with the world. However, the thing I am learning this summer is simple – the only way to get your work out there, is to get your work out there. Everything does not have to be perfect, polished or even (at times) coherent, it just has to get out of your head onto the computer screen, the page, the journal, somewhere that allows you to move on to the next thing. The other lesson I am learning is to finish a task, answer emails right away, and find places to hide with a list of things to do. One would think that these lessons would already be a part of my internal knowledge bank, my academic survival toolkit – but sad to report they have not been and I am just really understanding them now (its never too late I guess).
It usually takes me a while to sit down, think about the next blog entry. Make sure it is intriguing and filled with beautiful prose. Well, to be honest, I am not a poet (or not yet), but what I am is a young “sista docta” coming up in this academic game to make a few changes, flip a couple of switches and bring a few folks along the way. I am no poet, but I would like to grow up to be an academic superhero. I would have a theme song, a look, a great wardrobe (no costumes, just good style). There are some super powers I would like to come with this identity. They are as follows: I would be able to figure out the quickest way from one meeting another with no effort (in comfortable, yet fly as hell shoes), I would be able to facilitate students in one fail swoop without feeling tired after the conversation, I could get a grant on the first try without revisions, I could be asked to publish in peer reviewed journals and simply have to submit that “brilliant little paper I was working on last week,” get speaking gigs where I didn’t have to negotiate price (they would just pay me a great honorarium, because they valued my work and my words), and I would be able to leap over a tall building in one jump (ok, that may be a little extra, but you get my point). I want this work to come naturally, to appear flawless and not be tiring or make my brain feel like jelly.
I do not know if this is possible, but I do know that the work I am putting in right now is no joke, it is the stuff of seriousness and commitment. It is a time that I will look back on and know that it shaped me as the scholar I will become. Until I reach that academic superhero status, I am putting in the work with every grain (ok, most of them, I do have a husband and three children) of my being to make it happen.
I feel tenure creeping closer to me with each passing day, yet I also feel hope and faith in the work that I am doing at this very moment.
Breathing deeply and moving on to the next task…